How to Lose a Guy

The last few weeks of He Said/She Said Wednesdays have dealt primarily with marriage and sex. So today, I wanted to write about an ancient art form–a relic–almost entirely lost in today’s culture: Dating.

You know the mediocre, albeit addicting to women, movie How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days? Well, today’s post is How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days, the Christian version. Next week will be part 2, How to Lose a Girlin 10 Days.

Whether you are male or female, this post is for you. Ladies, are you wanting to find the right guy to date and then keep him interested? Then read on. Fellas, are you tired of women behaving like a neurotic, unpredictable, Cybil? Then read on. Are you married, but wanting to delight in your escape from the dating scene? Then read on. There is something for everyone.

1. “blah, blah, blah, blah, blah…” Ladies, if you talk too much, after a few moments, he is done listening. Come up for air every once in a while.

2. “me, me, me, me, me…” When you are talking (presumably not speed talking per #1′s suggestion), if everything out of your mouth is “me, mine, I, and me, again,” he is going to be neither impressed nor interested.

3. Letting it all hang out. Girls, you don’t need to dress like Posh Spice, sucked into a black leather mini dress, with your girl parts hoisted three feet up and out. Men want a lady, not an escort.

4. All covered up. On the other hand, you should not be content to show up for a date or a social gathering in sweats and a T-shirt. Men really do notice and appreciate when a woman takes care of herself. That doesn’t mean you need to be the thinnest or the prettiest girl in the room, either. Just make an effort and dress stylishly.

5. Call him, text him, Facebook him a lot… and I mean a lot. There is almost a limitless number of ways to stalk a person these days. Social media = creepers. Don’t be a creeper. Give him space, but do be around… just not too much.

6. Show up uninvited. This is also a stalker move and can get a girl nixed fast. And let’s be honest: more creeper.

7. Don’t laugh at his jokes. Look, even if you don’t think he’s the next Seinfeld, you should at least attempt to laugh when he cracks a joke. Guys like to think they are funny (wait, did I write that out loud?)

8. Don’t touch him. Don’t go and throw yourself up against him in an alley, but do try to touch his hand or shoulder, whilst laughing at his aforementioned jokes. This is called flirting and men like it. Do it.

9. Don’t look at him. Eye contact is a strong indicator of interest and chemistry. So don’t look away, pretending to be coy. Make eye contact, but not for longer than 5 seconds, because then you just look like–you guessed it–a creeper.

10. Traveling in a she-wolf pack. Look ladies, I understand the she-wolf pack. It is a support system built upon trust, history, and the need to travel to the restroom with other females. Just don’t let your potential date feel like he is dating your friends, too.

11. Start planning your future wedding. Okay, say maybe you are more rational that that, but even hinting at wedding bells or gowns before the appropriate time can be a turnoff. Don’t force it. He knows you want to get married… someday.

12. Pretending like you don’t eat or you aren’t hungry. So cliche. I won my husband over when I sat down and ordered a double cheeseburger at In-N-Out with fries and a shake. However, I didn’t sit there and inhale that burger, either. You can eat a double-double like a lady. Men like women to have an appetite and it is so much more fun to eat than listen to your stomach growl.

13. Let him be chivalrous. I have actually seen women become upset when a guy has tried to open a door or pick up a check on a date. Lots of men actually like doing those things, so let them. It is romantic and relaxing. Don’t let the feminist movement ruin dating.

14. Keep him from guys night. Guys want to see their friends, just like you want to see yours. If you don’t want to see yours, that’s a problem. If you don’t have any friends of your own, that’s a bigger problem. If that’s the case, don’t date. First, go make some friends.

15. Never say please and thank you. If you just expect a man to do things for you or with you, but never actually show appreciation, kiss that man goodbye. I always say, “If you want a man to do something again, always say thank you.”

16. Talk about your ex a lot. This should be a no brainer, but I think a lot of people commit this dating sin without even realizing it. He doesn’t want  to hear about Jacques from your summer studying abroad in France. So zip it.

17. Tell him he reminds you of your dad. Not. Cool. Ever.

There you have it– How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days. I’m no dating expert, but I hope that these suggestions of what-not-to-do are helpful and, at the very least, entertaining.

What would you add to the list? What are some things girls do that is downright annoying or unattractive? Guys, any horror stories? Girls, are you guilty of any of these?


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