Dealing With Your Partner’s Past

Many couples face the problem of dealing with each other’s past relationships and activities. How can you resolve your feelings?

  • Look at your own past. Do you really have a right to judge your partner’s past?
  • Your inability to get beyond your partner’s past is your problem. Your partner didn’t necessarily do anything to you. It’s your decision

    if you can get beyond the past.

  • Realize that your partner was not born the day you started dating him/her. No one has a totally clean slate.
  • Accept your partner for who he/she is — both the good and the bad. Use that acceptance to create a bond that holds your relationship together.
  • If you or your partner allow your past to define either one of you, you are living up to a label, not your personal truth.
  • If you’re being judged, tell your partner: “You can either trust me or not — but get off my back!”
  • Don’t hang on to bad feelings from a past relationship. They will only infect your current relationship.
  • Define a new standard for the relationship. Commit to it together, and make a new plan for your life together.
  • Everything you do in a relationship either contributes to it or contaminates it. What is focusing on the past doing?
  • by Lana Lennox

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