This dating advice article has emerged from years of testing, enormous experience and much sacrifice. Just kidding. Some of this advice are from my personal experience, some is the experience of others (if you have some, don’t forget to share them in the comments below) and some are plain common sense.
But, don’t be misled by its simple nature. The science of dating was never presented in such a straightforward way, yet it’s probably the most effective article about dating you’ll ever read.
I’ve left out all of the “tabloid wisdom”, myths and gossip. Take your time to read it. I really believe it’ll use you well.
Where to go
A big question: where should you go? Before saying anything further – it really doesn’t matter. What’s important is setting an atmosphere during the date, not the place. But, here are some do’s and don’ts.
You really should avoid, at least for the first couple of dates, places where you’ll be stuck for a couple of hours. Like an opera, for example, or even movies, if the movie is too long. There’s a chance that your date or you don’t like that particular movie or opera and you’ll be in an awkward situation. Besides that, you should be getting to know each other not staring in front of yourselves.
You also should avoid places you both aren’t familiar with and passionate about like galleries or sport stadiums. Just because your date likes paintings, that doesn’t mean you should go to a gallery. Thus you can avoid the situation where your date asks you to give your opinion about some painting and you reply with “Um… it’s nice. It has… depth”
If there’s something new and interesting in the town and you know it would be fun, you should definitely go there. Go-cart track, street performance, concert, river cruising, underwater restaurant, bungee jumping station… if it’s new it’s good. Just remember the previous paragraph and you’ll be good.
One of the best places to be is your or yours date’s place. If both of you feel comfortable with that and it doesn’t look like you invited him/her just to end up in bed, go for it.
Besides those places, anything like a restaurant, pizzeria, walking through park, picnic or anything you can imagine is just fine. Like I’ve said, more important is setting an atmosphere during a date. How to make it good, I’ll talk a bit later. Keep reading.
What should you wear depends on where you will go. In a fancy restaurant you’ll need to be properly dressed, in the park you don’t.
What’s important is to give a hint to your date if he/she needs to dress up differently than expected. For example, if you’ve planned to go to a restaurant for dinner and later to go bungee jumping (not a good idea after dinner), you should say to your date to dress casual.
Advice for ladies – don’t pay attention to details very much. Men will never notice that you’ve put on “those particular” earrings or if the color of your shoes match 100% the color of your purse. If you do that, do it for yourself (because you feel more comfortable or whatever) not for your date.
Advice for lads – do pay attention to details. Pay attention very much. Of course, I’m not talking here about matching colors of your purse and shoes :), but about your tidiness. You may think you look sexy with the 2-days-old beard, but in reality it probably looks messy. Dirty shoes, creased pants, nails uncut? You don’t even stand a chance. Women will notice all of these and many other things you are unaware of.
Do not be late
There’s nothing much to say about this. Showing up on time shows that you care about your date and that you respect his/her time. It also shows you’re serious about a possible relationship.
It’s normal to be excited because of a new date, but many people start to panic. Instead of thinking how it is going to be, imagining the worst case scenario or having fear that you’ll mess up something, try to focus on good things. You are meeting someone new, you’ll spend some time getting to know each other and maybe be in a relationship in the future. This very first date is just to spend some time together and that’s all. Keep calm.
What to order in a restaurant
It really doesn’t matter. As long as you are both enjoying your meal, everything is fine. I’ve read somewhere that “A perfect date is with a person who eats without fear, prejudice or concerns about his or her appearance” and that’s true. It can be very attractive, really. So, relax, don’t be uptight and enjoy your meal. Table ware? Please, I’m eating with my hands
Avoid too heavy meals, because after that you’ll both be thinking about sleeping. Each of you in your own home, of course.
Don’t get drunk. “Sorry, I’ve puked a little on you/your car/that child over there/ is not a sentence you want to hear or say.
What not to do
Make sure you’ve made all phone calls before your date. It’s very annoying and sometimes disrespectful to constantly answer your phone or send messages during a date. Put it on silent. Also, nothing important will happen on Facebook in an hour or two.
Don’t invite someone else to sit with you two – a friend who is passing by, for example. This is your time and you don’t need anybody else.
Don’t harass a waiter unnecessarily. Some people think they looks cool when they command others, but the truth is they look like idiots.
Listen and respond
Nothing is worse and more disrespectful than when you talk to someone and he/she is not listening to you, or is constantly asking “Sorry, can you repeat please, I’m little distracted today”. So, focus on your date, listen and respond. If you can’t, it’s much better to apologize and try to meet him/her next time. You’re hardly going to make it, but it’s fairer to your date.
Even if ten years have passed since your last relationship, don’t look desperate. Even if you’re on the first date ever, don’t look desperate. Even if you like your date enough to think you could die if he/she is not going to be with you, don’t look desperate. Even if… ok, you get it.
But if you are, what can you do? How to be confident and not look desperate?
Don’t rush. When you see your date, don’t run toward him/her. Don’t ask “Can we meet again?” or “We should go to my place” 15 minutes after you’ve meet. Don’t touch the private parts of your date :). Or yours.
Slow down your talking in conversation. Relax and lean back in your chair. Smile and don’t frown. Don’t agree with your date if he/she is talking some nonsense.
And, of course, don’t lie and pretend to be something that you’re not. Even if you are naturally a good liar, when you are desperate, lies become more obvious.
This is the most obvious thing, yet somehow most of the time we are pretending that we are somebody else. If you seriously like somebody and want to be in a relationship with him/her, you should think twice before you represent yourself in a way you are not truly. It’s unnatural and very hard to play a role all the time and eventually your date will see you as you are and that’s probably going to be a bad thing. Anyway, you want somebody to be with you, not the mask you’ve created.
Also, you need to know how much of “this is who I am” is enough. Revealing some things about you on the first date can be repellent. For example, even if you immensely enjoying to burp after each sip of beer, you really shouldn’t do that. That’s not something your date will fall for.
Although both lads and ladies can sometimes brag about themselves, this is more addressed to lads. Of course we are all trying to represent ourselves the best we can, but bragging can hardly contribute to that. It’s very easy to get excited about your achievements and by the end of the evening win the title of a “bragging douchebag”.
Have a hobby? Good. Keep it to yourself.
If you have some hobby you are passionate about, keep in mind that your date probably is not interested in that subject as much as you are. It’s very easy for you to get excited about that and start talking non-stop, without noticing that your date is bored. You can mention that you have a hobby, but you shouldn’t spend too much time on that topic.
There are hundreds of books about body language and I really advise you to read some. Since we communicate with each other mostly through body communication, it will be very useful for you to know what signals your date sends to you.
I’ll mention here just a few and I’ll assume that you are sitting at a table and talking. For example, if your date is leaned forward, with open hands and keeping eye contact, we can say that he/she is interested in what are you talking about and agrees with you. If he/she smiles, nodding their head and actively participating in conversation, we can be sure about it.
On the opposite side, body leaned back, crossed hands and staring at the table tells us that your date is clearly not interested in what are you talking about, or he/she disagrees with you. Frowned face, body without movement and responding only with “yes” and “mhm” can assure us about that. If your date falls asleep during conversation, obviously he/she is not interested
Touching is a big part of non-verbal communication. If your date touches you, it’s clear that he/she likes you. Also, don’t be afraid to touch your date. By his/her reaction you can see how much he/she likes you. If your date touches you back, you’re on the good way. If he/she is trying to avoid your touch, calls the cops, or breaks your arm, he/she obviously is not finding you very appealing.
Talk in the pitch higher than usual means that someone is attracted to you.
If your date is fully turned towards you, you can say that he/she is enjoying your company. If he/she is turned like they’re going to leave the table any second or his/her feet are pointing in a direction of escape, maybe you are not so pleasant company.
Now, something what most guys don’t know. If a girl smiles to you with open lips, she is interested in you. If her lips are closed, she probably wants to get rid of you, but she doesn’t know how. So, the next time you talk to a girl for the first time you’ll know that that kind of smile means “fuck off”
If you like your date, at some point you should let him/her know about that. Watching his/her reaction can tell you if the feelings are mutual.
Advice for ladies – most men can’t read signals you are sending. Playing with hair (even with his :)), showing him “that look”, touching, or anything else will probably pass unnoticed. Plain and simple “I like you” is far better.
Advice for lads – women can’t read your mind (which is good, or else she would know that you are imagining her naked :)). Give her a compliment, be open and show her that you enjoy her company. Once again, “I like you” is the best choice. Also, don’t be too pushy. Complimenting her too often, or aggressively expressing your feelings are don’ts.
Don’t play hard to get
If you are not really hard to get, don’t play. It’s stupid.
You’re on a date. It makes a bit more sense to play hard to get before you actually go on a date, but when you’re there already, it’s complete nonsense. You’re there and you are obviously interested about him/her.
If you are a lady, you soon wear etiquette saying “stuck-up bitch”. Lads, you can’t even get that kind of etiquette. It’s worse. The more you are playing, the more you look like jerks that need professional help.
Art of flirting
Some people are naturally good at flirting. If you are one of those, skip this, I can’t teach you anything new. If you are not – sorry, no magic pills here. Only advice I can give to you is to be more open and spontaneous. Don’t be ashamed to say something “stupid” or provoking. In time you’ll learn how to flirt.
Somebody will ask when we should kiss our date. There’s no rule that states how many times we need to meet somebody before we kiss him/her. Sometimes it is on the first, sometimes on the eighth date. Just don’t get stuck in the “friend zone”. When the time is right, don’t miss a chance.
But, when is it the right time? Practice makes perfect. Taste pepper spray few times and you’ll learn. Just joking. Here’s a scene:
You and your date are standing somewhere and soon your evening will end. You are talking, laughing, having a good time, and then you suddenly say “Well, it was a good nigh, I need to go now. See you.” In that very moment look at your date’s reaction: if he/she looks surprised, a little disappointed and like he/she wants to say something more, that’s your moment.
Advice for lads: when you kiss a lady, don’t rush. Take initiative, but let her choose to kiss you too. So, get really, really close to her and stop. The last few millimeters are for her to decide will she do it, or not. Hitch, anyone?
Sex on the first (second, third…) date?
Lads don’t have any doubts when is the right time to have sex – it’s always. So, ladies…
If you’ve read somewhere, someone told you, or your past experience tells you that the right time is on 3rd, 4th, 27th date you’re wrong. The right time is when the right time is – it can be on the first date or a year latter.
Lads won’t think that you’re easy if you end up in their bed on the first date nor will they think you’re super prude if that happens after 6 months of your relationship. If you follow the advice from this article, or from here, you’ll do well.
Have any questions or thoughts about this? Don’t be shy, share them in the comments below.