19 Things You Should Know Before You Date Someone Who Loves Spending Time Alone

cora álvarez
cora álvarez

1. We are going to take a while to commit, not because we don’t care or we don’t want to commit, but because we protect our alone time like a lion protects her cubs: ferociously.

2. If we’re going to commit, we have to enjoy spending time with you as much as we enjoy spending time alone. The good news is that if we do commit, we are yours completely. We are with you because we choose to be, not because we are lonely or don’t want to be alone.

3. We will ghost out sometimes to clear our heads, to think, to just exist by ourselves for a while. It’s not you, it’s us. Really.

4. We will need to take solo vacations because it’s a wholly different experience when we are traveling and exploring on our own. This is essential to who we are and what we need to come back to ourselves.

5. Of course, we’d want to take vacations with you, but even then, we’ll need a day or two to go out on our own. While it may be easy to take this personally, it’s not personal at all. We process our experience differently when we’re with you vs. when we’re alone and one is not better than the other, but we want to have both.

6. We will need our freedom and space like we need air. If you are a clingy, attached-at-the-hip kind of person, you will be miserable with us. Miserable! We don’t want to hurt you by asking for our space, but it’s among our chief priorities in any relationship.

7. …But, bonus points would be if we dated someone who had a sixth sense about the time we need space and then we don’t have to ask for it at all.

8. If you interrupt us while we’re reading, be prepared to face the ultimate consequence of a total freeze-out… at least until we finish the book we’re engrossed in.

9. While we may be a bit high-maintenance in our devotion to alone time, when we’re with you, we are truly with you. You are not someone we spend time with out of convenience, boredom, or loneliness, because we are never looking to fulfill those needs! When we’re spending time with you, there’s genuinely nothing else we’d rather be doing in the world.

10. No, we do not always need to be doing things. We are thinking alone in our room for a while, that’s enough of an activity for us.

11. We are highly sensitive to outside stimulation. We can pick up on the smallest energy shifts and, while that makes us a compassionate and empathetic bf/gf, it also means we need you to tell us what’s going on with you. We already can feel if you’re upset, you might as well come out with it.

12. If you’re looking for someone independent with their own interests and life outside of a relationship, we are it. Look no further!

13. If you need time alone, we will happily give it to you with so much enthusiasm you will think we actually do not want to spend time with you. We do! But, we are secretly happy to have surprise alone time.

14. If we randomly wake up on a Saturday morning and say we need to leave town for a couple days on a road trip or to a cabin somewhere, don’t be alarmed. This is just what we do.

15. An actual fun date night for us would be if we both read our respective books at a comfy coffee shop together, existing in the same place, but not needing to talk or do anything. Ultimate swoon.

16. We are lovers, not fighters. We love peacefulness too much to disrupt our zen with a fight about something that is not necessary to fight about. Sure, we may get into fights from time to time, because it’s inevitable, but we will overly communicate with you in order to curb the amount of times we get into any sort of verbal brawl.

17. Sure, we may not be as into going to concerts, clubs, or loud bars. We’re not really into having a bunch of plans all the time in general. However, if your thing is stimulating conversations on a wide variety of topics, we will kill it in that department. We are thinkers, not so much doers. And, what we lack in our social lives, we make up for with intimate, deep conversation about pretty much anything.

18. Our superpower is the ability to somehow be calm no matter what the hell is happening in our lives. It’s a gift that you will love.

19. The most important thing to know about us is that our need for alone time has nothing to do with our feelings for you. They are completely separate entities. We like you independent of how much we like our time alone. If you can understand that and not take our ghosting out personally, then you will find us as devoted to you as our devotion to being alone. (And, man, that’s a lot of devotion…)

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One thought on “19 Things You Should Know Before You Date Someone Who Loves Spending Time Alone

  1. I totally identify with this post. Number 15 especially. My girlfriend and I frequently do our own things in close proximity. Sometimes we’ll have our feet touching or just out arms resting against each other. But no verbal communication for hours and we’re totally fine with that.

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