Men and women don’t always see eye-to-eye on a lot of situations — no matter how many times we try to explain things to each other. The process is mostly futile and, more often than not, results in the male calling the female crazy, regardless of how non-crazy whatever she is doing actually is.
Requiring 24 hours notice for any and every activity doesn’t make me crazy, it makes me a planner.
I have a schedule you know, and I’m sorry that I don’t feel comfortable walking au naturel in the bright sunlight, I need to be prepared. Men have things so easy, which is why they can’t wrap their heads around the “strange” behaviors of women.
Today, I am going to try and explain why we do what we do and why we’re not crazy, men are just close-minded…
1. Say we’re fine when we are far from fine
Why we do it: Because we don’t want to get into a long, drawn-out conversation about our feelings with you because you probably will tune us out anyway and it’ll just save us the effort, energy and aggravation that it is sure to bring.
Why it’s not crazy: We are actually doing you a favor by resorting to this line as we know it will just blow up into a huge argument and that is something neither of us wants to deal with.
Why guys think it’s crazy: They clearly know we aren’t fine, and think we are tricking them into asking what is wrong when we just want them to give us some space for a little bit.
2. Eat salad for dinner
Why we do it: Because we are healthy individuals who have self-control and don’t like to feel bloated for the remainder of the evening.
Why it’s not crazy: It’s something we have accepted as a part of life and, for that, you should be grateful.
Why guys think it’s crazy: They believe we are just doing this so we don’t appear gluttonous in front of them, leaving us hungry and irritable.
Meanwhile, the reason behind this is so we feel comfortable being naked on top of them. Maybe instead of calling us crazy, you should compliment us — just saying.
3. Take forever to get ready
Why we do it: Because we have no other option!
Why it’s not crazy: Do men actually think we enjoy getting ready? Do they think it’s fun to hold a 5-pound blow dryer at our heads for 40 minutes at a time?
Do they think we enjoy applying, f*cking up and reapplying our eyeliner wings? Don’t you think if we could be ready in under 10 minutes, like men can, we would?
Why guys think it’s crazy: Because they have 2 inches of hair and can’t wrap their heads around turning a Jew-fro into sleek, long locks. Remember: There is no such thing as an ugly person, just a lazy person.
4. Spend an entire paycheck on makeup
Why we do it: Because you have to be picky, specific and careful about what is going on your face.
Why it’s not crazy: Umm, do you know what my skin would look like without CC-cream, foundation and bronzer? No you don’t, and you never will.
Why guys think it’s crazy: Men think anything that doesn’t apply to them is crazy… ergo, the need for makeup.
5. Go to the bathroom in pairs
Why we do it: We need someone to reaffirm that our hair, outfit and makeup look good. We also need someone to hold our purses for us when we go to the bathroom and reapply our mascara.
Why it’s not crazy: I didn’t spend over $300 on this clutch to put it on the wet floor…
Why guys think it’s crazy: Because the only thing a guy has to hold on to when going to the bathroom is his dick…
6. Only drink vodka waters
Why we do it: To conserve our calories when you give us sh*t for eating salad at every meal and we need to shut you up by dabbling in the bread basket.
Why it’s not crazy: We are still drinking and being social, but are minimizing our caloric intake.
Why guys think it’s crazy: Because, for some reason, they can guzzle an endless supply of beer and not look bloated come the morning.
7. Eat our feelings
Why we do it: Because physical violence is not a socially acceptable way to release our frustration and sadness.
Why it’s not crazy: We are hungry from only sustaining ourselves on salad and vodka waters… duh.
Why guys think it’s crazy: Because they believe that physical violence is a socially acceptable way to release their frustrations and emotions.
8. Stalk people on social media
Why we do it: To figure out what the new style trends are and to see if our ex’s new girlfriend is hotter than we are.
Why it’s not crazy: Because everyone does it, we are just more open about it.
Why guys think it’s crazy: Because we are so open about it.
9. Gossip about our friends then love them 10 minutes later
Why we do it: It’s cathartic, and sometimes someone you love pisses you off and you just have to let it out, then all is right in the world and you can go back to loving that person again.
Why it’s not crazy: It’s better than bottling up your feelings only to have them released upon your unsuspecting friend while you’re out drinking.
Why guys think it’s crazy: You seem like a more attractive version of Jekyll and Hyde.
10. Have 10+ pairs of black heels that correspond with our 10+ little black dresses
Why we do it: Posh Spice taught us the importance of having a plethora of black clothing items, and this is a lesson we clearly have never forgotten
Why it’s not crazy: Not all black items were created equally and, honestly, it’s the most slimming color out there, so why not stock up?
Why guys think it’s crazy: Why would you need 10 versions of what is to them essentially the exact same thing? I mean, they just re-wear the same white t-shirts, don’t they?
11. Spend over $100 on a clothing item that is smaller than a piece of underwear
Why we do it: Because, fashion.
Why it’s not crazy: Because, fashion.
Why guys think it’s crazy: Because, fashion.