Hey guys, Florida Face-Eater here. If you’re anything like me, you have trouble choosing what movies to watch and you also eat faces. Here are some recommendations to help you navigate the countless films Hollywood throws at us.
I don’t really understand why this movie has been so successful this summer. Sure, the Hulk and Iron Man have an onscreen chemistry not seen since early Gene Wilder/Richard Pryor films. And yes, Joss Whedon successfully told a story that incorporated an endless number of characters. But there seemed like there was something missing. I’m not a screenwriter – just a normal guy in Florida who likes hanging out with his friends and stripping naked and chomping down on some guy’s face… you know, not some Hollywood Brad Pitt type! – but I think it could have used more face-eating? Like if you’re going to make a big summer blockbuster, give the people what they want. I don’t know, maybe it’s the bath-salts I’m all hopped up on that’s talking right now or maybe it’s the inescapable urge to feed on other men’s faces, but I really feel like it was missed opportunity on Whedon’s part.
Verdict: Catch on DVD
This was a tough film to stomach. While I enjoyed the action and the performances of both Nic Cage and John Travolta, I couldn’t help but be disappointed by the lack of faces that were eaten during the film. It was a very misleading title, as I was given the impression that with faces off, that naturally they would be eaten. Perhaps even as a sit-down meal between the two actors, both of whom have faces made for feasting. Much to my dismay they just wore them. It was almost as if they did not realize that they each could be enjoying a tasty snack while fighting each other.
Verdict: Eh, skip it
Silence of the Lambs
Wow! Great film. Great action. Great suspense. Great performances. Anthony Hopkins is a tour-de- force and Jodie Foster…did she win an Oscar for this? If not, she deserved it. I don’t know if they give those sorts of things out retroactively (again I’m not really a film expert, just a fan), but that performance must be honored. I’d watch these two act together all day. I especially liked the face eating.
Verdict: MUST SEE MUST SEE
If you’re in the mood for a laugh, check out The Trip. Simply one of the more enjoyable movies I’ve seen all year. The story revolves around real-life friends, Steve Coogan and Rob Brydon, taking a road-trip in which they discover food, drink and camaraderie. I was really touched by the restraint the filmmakers showed in their relationship and the humor. I kept expecting the film to climax with the odd couple reaching a farcical boiling point and eating each other’s faces instead of the meals they were served. While I was furious at first and ate my girlfriend’s face in anger, I later realized that it’s all in the subtext. The audience felt that it was as if Coogan had devoured the visage of his friend and that’s what mattered.
Verdict: Must see
Dawn of the Dead
Indulgent and over-the-top. Lacked realism and was insulting to my intelligence. Very disappointing.